I will never be able to fully understand how my LM can flare-up so fast and so aggressively. My pain went from a zero to a nine in less than an hours timing. (I was desperately attempting to try and save my ten.)
I am trying so hard to keep my hopes up.
It’s just so frustrating, especially after making so much progress, only to have that all go straight down the drain.
But I’m not going to let this get in the way of healing. I’ll take it step by step, little by little.
I’m not going to lie, in these past few months my LM has been worse than it has been in years.
It has been more painful more often and unfortunately I tend to deceive a lot of people when I smile at them and tell them that I’m okay.
I have this irrational fear that if I’m constantly talking about my pain then no one will want to be around me.
It’s so silly, I know. But I’m so used to being the “strong one” that I tend to forget that it’s okay to not be okay.
I am slowly learning that’s it’s okay to show what I really feel, I am gradually learning more and more about myself and my illness.
One day I will be able to look back at these past few months with a smile and say, “I made it.”
But until then, I am going to keep all my Faith in our heavenly father and pray for the best.
I’m going to get better, it will just take some time, but I’m determined to win this battle.